Top 10 Ways to get into Trouble In Shul

10. Keep asking what page. Start at the beginning, follow to the end.
9. Shorts on Shabbas.
8. Keep talking. Even during the quiet times. Remember kindergarten? Go to the corner.
7. Taking herring home from kiddush. In your pocket.
6. Blackberry. iPhone. Android. Ain't no such thing as "hatzi-shabbas"
5. Snoring.
4. Showing up at Aleynu. Especially when there's a hot kiddush.
3. Saying: "You're in my seat." If it was yours, you'd be in it from the opening baruch.
2. Never bringing a bottle. EVER.
1. Run for president.