The Questions about Purim

"This wicked Haman" (7:6)

"And Vaizata" (9:9)

"On the thirteenth day of the month Adar and Noach..." (9:17)

"Sending portions a man to his friend" (9:19)

"To observe annually the fourteenth day of Adar" (9:21)

"Observe them as days of feasting and gladness" (9:22)

"Concerned for the welfare of all his posterity" (10:3)

The Development of a Halacha

Many years ago, in a far away country, there was a well known rabbi who was consulted on all sorts of matters relating to the Jewish people. His wise counsel was sought from people of all walks of life, and his decisions were accepted by the community at large, as they understood that his rulings and pronouncements were divinely inspired.

So when one time he met with some parents of his students, and a few mothers complained that their children were not making their beds, he assured them that he would deal with the matter. That week, in his public address to his students, he mentioned that the students should always make sure to make their beds in the morning. When the person transcribing the speech wrote up his review of the talk, he made sure to emphasize the rabbi's intention. He wrote, ''The Rosh Yeshiva today ruled that one is m'chuyav to make his bed in the morning.'' Word spread fast. The halacha had been established: One was obligated to make their bed.

Later that day, someone came to the Rosh Yeshiva and asked, ''I don't have time to make my bed before I go to davening. By the time I get back my mother is gone for the day so she doesn't think I make my bed, and isn't pleased. What should I do?''

After hearing the answer that was given, the halacha was suitably amended to say that the bed should be made as soon as one gets up. ''One is m'chuyav to make his bed in the morning, as soon as he gets up.''

The next day, he was approached by a bochur that wanted to know, ''When you said 'as soon as he gets up', do you mean immediately - right when one steps out of the bed - or is one allowed some time first?

So they added to the text: ''One is m'chuyav to make his bed in the morning, soon after he gets up.''

''How long soon after?'' he was immediately asked. ''How much time exactly?'' 10-15 minutes, he replied, figuring that's a reasonable amount of time. And so it was added: ''One is m'chuyav to make his bed in the morning, within 10-15 minutes from when he gets up.'' The bochurim found this to be a satisfactory resolution, but unsurprisingly, it resulted in some bochurim insisting that it should be made by 10 minutes, and others saying it was fine to wait even 15 minutes. After some time, they settled on an unofficial resolution by considering 10 minutes to be the first zman, and 15 minutes the second zman. Things went along smoothly until one day a bochur came over and explained to him a problem he had run into. ''My roommate doesn't like the way I make my bed! He claims it's not really made!'' ''What do you mean?'', asked the Rosh Yeshiva. ''Well, he claims that for a bed to be considered 'made' the pillow needs to be on top and the sides need to be even or tucked in, and I just lay out the cover on top, covering everything, however it comes out. What should I do?''

The Rosh Yeshiva mulled this over for a while, and replied: You're allowed to make it however your family does it. What's acceptable to your mother (or father) is acceptable here. Hakol k'minhago.

An addition was added to the halacha: ''One is m'chuyav to make his bed in the morning, within 10-15 minutes from when he gets up. The manner of making the bed should be done according to one's established minhag.''

(Later that week when the bochurim went home for the weekend, many parents were somewhat confused when they were asked by their sons, ''What is the minhag of our family of how to make our beds?'', but they figured it was all part of the tremendous spiritual growth they could see in their young bnei torah.)

One morning a few weeks later, as shacharis was beginning, the Rosh Yeshiva was notified about an argument that had broken out between 2 bochurim. Approaching their room, he heard loud shouting through the closed door. As he entered, he found one of the bochurim vehemently yelling at the other. Seeing him come in, the young man turned to him and exclaimed loudly, ''Rebbe! I'm so glad you're here! I tried to get him to make his bed but he wouldn't listen! He just ignored me, and now it's 5 minutes after the zman, and look - his bed is still not made!''

Before the Rosh Yeshiva had a chance to respond, the other bochur quickly spoke up in his defense, ''That's not true. I only got out of bed 2 minutes ago! I still have 8 minutes until the zman!''

''Yes, he only got out of bed 2 minutes ago. But he woke up 20 minutes ago! That means he should have made his bed 10 minutes ago!''

It was clear that there needed to be some clarification: When the psak was issued that a bed must be made 10-15 minutes after getting up, did 'after getting up' mean after waking up ('m'sha'as kumuso') or did it mean after getting out of bed ('m'sha'as yitziaso')? At this point a small crowd had gathered around the room and a vociferous discussion had broken out. Everyone started buzzing, talking, sharing their thoughts of why it meant this interpretation and not the other one. Realizing what was happening, the Rosh Yeshiva put an abrupt stop to it all by loudly demanding that everyone should immediately go to davening and they would deal with it later on.

By lunchtime that day the Rosh Yeshiva had still not addressed the burning issue and a fierce debate had already broken out in the halls of the yeshiva. Even the rabbeim had gotten involved. Some felt that the halacha had to mean from when a person got out of bed, because as they explained, ''if it meant 'from when he woke up' then the first thing he would have to do upon awaking would be to look at his clock and remember the time. But this can't be, because we all know that the first thing a person must do when he wakes up is say 'modeh ani'.

Therefore it must mean 'from when he gets out of bed'.'' In spite of this convincing logic others still held it was better to be machmir and go by from when a person wakes up and not to wait until he gets outof bed. They pointed out that all that was needed to avoid the above-mentioned conflict was to first say modeh ani and then subtract 15 seconds from whenever he first looks at the clock. ''But not all clocks have second hands on them,'' countered the first opinion, ''and besides, it is too easy to forget the exact time including the seconds.'' The machmirim had a ready response: ''Firstly, someone who cares about the halacha properly can make sure to have a clock with seconds on it, and secondly, he should also have a paper and pen next to his clock so he can mark down the proper time, in order to avoid the chance of forgetting it.''

Seeing that positions had already been staked out in this dispute, the Rosh Yeshiva decided not to voice his own opinion and instead told everyone to go by whatever their rebbe held.

Unfortunately, this had the effect of causing a lot of machlokes in the school as some people didn't agree with their rabbeim, and resented being forced out of their beds sooner than they preferred.

The problems were soon settled when a young illuy came up with an ingenious solution. He pointed out that even though someone had woken up, if they had in mind that they were sleeping it was like they actually were, since 'machshava k'ma'ase'.

Although his reasoning was roundly rejected by many others, it satisfied those lazier bochurim and they let the matter slide. No one was much surprised at their reaction, as these sorts of students

had already demonstrated their laxity of the halacha when it was realized that they were deliberately getting dressed while still sitting in their bed, in order to give themselves more time until the zman of 'when you get up' would commence (according to the shita of m'sha'as yitziaso).

For a brief while the yeshiva had some complaints from bochurim who wanted to switch rooms because their roommates were not keeping what they felt was the right zman for making their beds. Already very disturbed by the problems that the previous issue had caused and not wanting to cause any more machlokes in the yeshiva, the Rosh Yeshiva wisely dealt with the problem by declaring that if anyone was concerned about another not making the zman, they were allowed to make the other persons bed for them, as long as the first one had da'as that the other would be yotzei for himself. He also said that the person making the bed didn't have to specific da'as because obviously if he was making it he had da'as to do such a thing. Despite that, it wasn't uncommon to hear people loudly declaring, ''Have in mind to be yotzei so-and-so when making his bed!''

Some months after the initial psak was issued, an enterprising bochur started selling a unique clock that had a special alarm. The alarm would wake you up, and when you pushed the right button it would turn off and ring 9 minutes later to remind you that you had 1 minute left to make your bed. He actually also made a second one that gave you 14 minutes instead of 9, but no one bought it since they felt it was better not to be meikel.

Another issue that the yeshiva had to resolve was that according to the opinions that one must make their beds from when they first woke up, what was to be done if someone fell asleep again shortly after waking up? After much learned discussion it was decided that falling back asleep wasn't a problem, and the zman only started after the real, final wakingup. This was derived from the situation of if one woke up in the middle of the night: Was he then obligated to make his bed shortly after? For a brief time, some people in the yeshiva began to follow this custom. But when the Rosh Yeshiva ruled that it wasn't necessary, they understood from that that the zman only began after the last, real waking up.

These events all occurred many, many years ago, and boruch hashem nowadays it isn't as heated an issue as it once was. Everyone understands and accepts the principles of eilu v'eilu divrei Elokim chaim, minhag avoseinu b'yadeinu, ba'al nefesh yachmir, and shomer p'saim hashem. Each person has a tradition or chumra that he's entitled to follow. In addition, there have been many wonderful books written on this subject, most recently Artscroll's splendid translation of Hilchos Ish U'Mitoso, which sheds much light on this subject for the average layman (also available in a laminated, newly type-set, pocket edition that one can keep by their bed!). However, legend has it that if you go to this yeshiva and poke in on some of the rooms, you'll still occasionally find a bochur here and there that tries to be extra zahir in this inyan and - even on a cold winter night -will sleep on top of his carefully made blanket so that he never will - chas v'chalila! - find his bed unmade past the proper zman!

''Ratzah hakadosh baruch hu l'zakos es yisroel, l'fichach hirba lahem torah u'mitzvos!''

''To receive a laminated, large print edition of the special tefila to say before making your bed, please send a fax to 1800-BE-ZAHIR with your proper mailing address and we will be glad to send you one free of charge. ''This publication is in memory of Masha Mushka bas Pesha Pushka o''h.''

Please do not read this publication in untzniyusdik places, before you daven, during chazaras hashatz, in the middle of leining, during shiur or seder, while operating heavy machinery, on the Internet, in the mikva, or while under the influence of da'as torah.

'' This publication is not intended to be used as a guide to practical halacha. All halachic questions should be directed to your local ultra-orthodox halachic authority.''

The Internet is assur.

From the First Chapter of Masechet Star Trek

Rabbi Kirk said:

Space, the final frontier.These are the voyages of the star ship Enterprise, its five year mission to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before!

Added Rabbi Roddenbery: Unless the ratings slip too low.

G'marra:

Space
Said Rav Archer: There is a question whether the amount of space left to explore is greater than or equal to the amount of space between Rav T'Pol's ears.
Laughed Rav T'Pol: That Rav Archer! What a great sense of humour. He's always kidding around.
Asked Rav Paris: Since Rav Archer was not kidding around and in fact is never kidding around, what does Rav T'Pol's reply mean?
Responded Rav Janeway: Don't answer that question, Rav Paris...

The Final Frontier
Rav Janeway taught: From this phrase we have always understood that it is a mitzvah to leave the comfort and safety of the Federation and explore. How much greater a mitzvah is it, therefore, to attempt to return home when you have been sent away against your will.
Whispered Rav Torres to Rav Kim: I do not follow our teacher's logic.
Replied Rav Kim: Nothing on our show makes sense. Thus, the words of our teachers are not required to either.

These are the voyages
It happened once that Rav Kira, Rav Phlox, Rav O'Brien, Rav Jake the son of Rav Sisko, and Rav Bashir were sitting in Quark's bar, playing darts and Dabo and Dahm Jah't all through the night until Ops paged them and declared, "Sirs, it is time to begin the day shift!"
Said Rav Phlox: "Behold, I am as one who is three hundred years old, and yet I did not know the meaning of this verse until Rav Odo explained it. These are the voyages. Had it read this is the voyage, it would imply a short-lived mission with little relevance. But these are the voyages implies an importance that has lasted long after the original ship was destroyed. The Bajorans, however, explain it this way: this is means in this world only; these are includes the land of syndication as well.
Star ship Enterprise Rav Data asked: To which Enterprise is the mishna referring?
Replied Rav Picard: It does not matter, so long as it has the designation NCC-1701.
But Rav Sisko taught: the same commandments stated in the mishna apply to those serving on space stations as well, for have we not proved on Deep Space Nine that one can meet as many species by sitting still as one can by moving about?
Rav Kira cautioned: Should you reside on a space station, do not get too attached to your runabouts, as they tend to crash quite easily.
And Rav Chakotay added in the name of Rav Janeway: The commandments apply even if your ship does not carry the name Enterprise.

Five year mission
Rav Picard said: Its ongoing mission is the correct reading of the text, as no one can predict the length of a mission. For did not Rav Kirk's own mission last for a mere three years on television, plus six movies, and ours was on TV for seven years, and we have made two movies. From this we learn that setting a time constraint is a mistake; however, this does not stop us from messing with timelines whenever the powers that be think it would make an interesting episode.

Strange new worlds
Rav Riker taught: if the world is too strange or too new, then the captain is forbidden to beam down to it.
Replied Rav Picard: Nonsense! The captain, too, is entitled to away missions. From this we learn that in some instances it is permitted to follow the opinion of Rav Picard; in all others, a majority of ranking officers plus two phaser baits should be sent down in his stead. But when do we follow the opinion of Rav Picard? When there are ancient ruins on the planet.

New life
Rav Worf taught: It is forbidden to seek out new life, in case it turns out to be a tribble.
Rav Picard objected: We must always seek out new life, even if it turns out to be a tribble, even if it turns out to be a mass of gelatinous goo.
Rav Data complained: Even gelatinous goo we are commanded to seek and accept, and yet time and time again it must be proven that I am alive!
Rav Odo replied: Don't malign gelatinous goo.
Rav Phlox asked: Am I required to seek out new life, even though I have the memories of seven other lives in a slug in my stomach?
Replied Rav Sisko: This is not a life-time bound mitzvah; therefore, you must observe it no matter how many lives you have lived.
And the Doctor asked: Am I alive? To this, Rav Janeway had no answer.

New civilizations
Rav Troi said: This applies even to old civilizations, of which only ruins remain, because then the captain is obligated to go on an away mission.
Rav O'Brien argued: We should not be compelled to seek out new civilizations, because so many times before the civilizations we have encoun tered have wanted to exterminate us! But most au thorities agree that ceasing to fulfil this mitzvah would result in a very boring show, and so Rav O'Brien was overruled.

To boldly go
Said Rav Wesley: The text should read to ''baldly go''.
Cautioned Rav LaForge: Do not say that within the hearing of Rav Picard, for you may offend him. For the merits of a captain and his crew are not to be judged by the amount of hair on their heads.
Added Rav Riker: Of course, it doesn't hurt the ratings. (Steinshaltz notes: Though not explicitly written in this instance, one must assume that this passage is consistent with all other sayings of Rav Wesley which, by consensus of the majority, are generally ignored).

Where no man has gone before
Rav Picard taught: Though no man is the correct reading of the text, I believe this is a case where La'akor davar meen ha'Torah applies. We will consider the verse to read where no one has gone before. To which all the rabbis assembled agreed, except Rav Quark, who may be excused on the ground that he is a Ferengi.
The ratings slip too low Asked Rav T'Pol: Have not our ratings slipped lower than that of the original series? Should we not therefore suffer the same fate as the original series? It was for this question that Rav T'Pol was thrown out of the house of study, and out the airlock.

Purim "Torah" is a traditional feature of our holiday. It consists of various forms of parodying the tradition. There exist elaborate parodies of the Talmud as well as other standard traditional texts. Perhaps, this is all to say, that it is important to be able to laugh on Purim at even the things that we take seriously during the course of the year, lest we become sanctimonious.

La'yehudim hayta ora v'simcha v'sasson v'eekar, ken t'hiyeh lanu.